120 this or that questions for couples

Either or questions for couples: the rules, such as they are

Call them this or that or either or, the format is identical. One of you reads a pair, you both answer straight away, with no hedging and no ‘it depends’. If you land on the same side, move on. If you land on different sides, that is the point, so spend thirty seconds on why and then move on anyway.

A few house rules help. Answer at the same time, or count to three, so the second person cannot simply agree with the first. Take turns reading. Skip anything that lands wrong without making a thing of it. And do not try to get through all 120 in one sitting: a section or two is a full conversation, and the rest keeps for another evening.

Over text, the same rules apply, only slower. Send a pair, both reply before you look at the other’s answer, then send the next. One pair every morning will see you comfortably through a month.

Food and drink

Start here. Nobody has ever fallen out over a food pair, or at least not for long.

• Sweet or savoury?
• Tea or coffee?
• Cooking at home or getting a takeaway?
• Pizza or pasta?
• Breakfast in bed or brunch out?
• Spicy or mild?
• Crisps or chocolate?
• Red wine or white?
• A big lunch or a big dinner?
• The restaurant you know or somewhere new?
• Toast or cereal?
• Cake or ice cream?
• Sharing plates or your own plate?
• Sunday roast or Sunday barbecue?
• Ketchup or mayonnaise?

Around the house

The domestic round. Some of these you already know the answer to, and some of them you have been quietly wrong about for years.

• Bath or shower?
• Early night or late night?
• Sofa or armchair?
• Window open or window closed?
• Tidy as you go or one big clean?
• Candles or fairy lights?
• Plants or pets?
• Lots of cushions or no cushions?
• Bright walls or neutral walls?
• Bookshelves or a big telly?
• Blinds or curtains?
• Cook together or take turns?
• Music on or a quiet house?
• Heavy duvet or light duvet?
• Dishwasher or washing up by hand?

Travel and holidays

For planning the next trip, or for arguing about the last one.

• Beach or mountains?
• City break or countryside?
• Window seat or aisle seat?
• Hot country or cold country?
• Planned itinerary or wander and see?
• Hotel or self-catering?
• Road trip or train journey?
• Carry-on only or checked bag?
• Museums or markets?
• One long holiday or several short ones?
• Sunrise or sunset?
• Camping or glamping?
• Street food or a booked table?
• Back to a favourite place or somewhere new every time?
• Packing the night before or the morning of?

Weekends

How you actually want to spend Saturday, as opposed to how you end up spending it.

• Lie-in or up early?
• Cinema or a film at home?
• Big night out or quiet night in?
• Board game or video game?
• Long walk or long nap?
• Seeing friends or just the two of you?
• Live music or live sport?
• Pub quiz or karaoke?
• Gym or a walk in the park?
• Saturday with plans or Saturday with nothing booked?
• Podcast or playlist?
• New series or a rewatch?
• Bookshop or record shop?
• Sunday papers or Sunday cartoons?
• Day trip or day on the sofa?

Romance

Gentler pace here. These are the ones worth slowing down for, and the ones where a surprising answer is a gift rather than a problem.

Fifteen of these in one sitting is a lot of feelings. If you would rather have one arrive each day, Question of the day does exactly that on two phones: one question, two private answers, revealed once both are in, with a streak that builds if you keep it up.

• Holding hands or an arm around the shoulder?
• Flowers or a handwritten note?
• One big surprise or small everyday gestures?
• Dressing up for dinner or takeaway in pyjamas?
• Dancing in the kitchen or a slow song on the sofa?
• Love letter or voice note?
• Cuddle up or stretch out?
• Anniversary dinner or anniversary trip?
• Good morning text or goodnight text?
• Compliment on looks or compliment on character?
• Picnic or candlelit dinner?
• Stargazing or a fire pit?
• Forehead kiss or hand kiss?
• Planning a date or being surprised with one?
• Saying it first or hearing it first?

Silly ones

No wrong answers, only strongly held ones.

• Cats or dogs?
• Flying or invisibility?
• Dinosaurs or dragons?
• Pirates or astronauts?
• Ninja or wizard?
• Talk to animals or speak every language?
• Pineapple on pizza or absolutely not?
• Time travel to the past or to the future?
• Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster?
• Karaoke solo or karaoke duet?
• Zombies or vampires?
• Sneeze glitter or hiccup bubbles?
• Robot butler or robot chef?
• Loud bad singing or quiet good singing?
• Be a bird or be a fish?

Money and the future

Useful ones dressed as quick ones. Answer fast anyway; the pairs you hesitate over are the ones worth a proper chat later.

• Save or spend?
• Big celebration or small celebration?
• City flat or country house?
• Renting or owning?
• Spend on experiences or spend on things?
• Joint account or separate accounts?
• Retire early or work at something you love for longer?
• A nice dinner once a month or coffee out every day?
• New car or old car with character?
• Budget spreadsheet or rough idea in your head?
• Move abroad or stay near family?
• Lottery win: tell everyone or keep it quiet?
• Garden or balcony?
• Ten-year plan or take it as it comes?
• Fix the old one or buy a new one?

About us: the guessing round

Answer for yourself, guess what your partner will say, then compare. The disagreements here are usually funnier than anywhere else on the page.

If you want this section scored properly, the Newlywed game does it on two phones: six questions a round, three about you and three guessing what your partner will say, answered privately and revealed together. The person being asked about judges the guesses, points go on a room scoreboard, and questions do not repeat for a month.

• Who said I love you first: you or me?
• Better cook: you or me?
• Bigger softie: you or me?
• Cries at films: you or me?
• Our first date: a triumph or a lucky escape?
• Better driver: you or me?
• Takes longer to get ready: you or me?
• More competitive: you or me?
• Better with directions: you or me?
• Messier: you or me?
• First to say sorry after a row: you or me?
• Loses the keys more: you or me?
• Our best holiday so far: the first one or the most recent?
• Funnier: you or me?
• Better dancer: you or me?

This or that questions for boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife

Most lists of this or that questions for girlfriend, and most lists aimed at boyfriends, split the pairs by who is being asked. We have not. Every pair on this page works whichever way round you ask it, and the interesting answers come from the two of you as specific people, not from anyone’s idea of what a boyfriend or a girlfriend is supposed to pick.

If you have been together a long time, expect to get a few wrong. That is not a failing grade. Tastes drift, and a pair you were sure about in the first year is worth asking again in the fifth.

This or that couple edition: the scored version

The pairs above are the free-form version: you read, you both blurt, you move on. If you want a scored one, the Would you rather round on Couple Games is the closest fit. One of you starts a room and sends the other a link, you each open it on your own phone, and there is no signup. A round is eight dilemmas. You each pick privately, and the picks are revealed side by side once both are in, so nobody can tailor an answer to the other’s face.

Matches feed a compatibility percentage that builds over weeks rather than resetting each time, so one odd round is not the end of the world. It works on the sofa and it works from different countries: if one of you is asleep, the round waits until you are both back. Treat the percentage the way you treat the rest of this page, as a reason to talk, not a verdict.